The 46th Hop

Hey- 

It's 1:30am where I am, and I'm sitting on my sofa, eating my boyfriend's emergency kit-kat and I've begun to think about all of the embarrassing things that I've done in my twenty-some years of being alive. To be honest, I've got quite a long list. 

This one time when I was about five, my mom's new boyfriend was introducing her to his parents for the first time, and she decided to bring me along. On the way, she explained that this was a very important day and that I had to be on my best behaviour. 

During the very formal sit down in their family room, I decided that I wanted to show off some form of skill to impress the family. My only to skill to name of at the tender age of five, was my impeccable ability to hop on one foot. So I announced, "Hey everyone, look! I've been practicing since I was four." And so it began. I hopped, counting my hops out loud along the way, and they watched, counting the hops with me. They were quite impressed, I might mention. I was already up to 37 hops. But who was to know that something awful would occur during my hopping performance? Indeed, something very regrettable happened. 

On my 46th hop, my life as I knew it ended. With number 46, came the most tragic occurrence that I could have ever imagined. Hop number 46 has haunted me for twenty-some years.  As my left foot landed on the 14th of May, in a stranger's front sitting room, on my 46th hop, I farted. 

It wasn't a stinky fart, but it was a loud one. 

The room when hush as my cheeks went red, and I bolted out of the room and refused to come back in for the rest of my days. 

My mother had a particularly annoying way of making sure that there was a camera or camcorder wherever I existed when I was growing up. Thankfully, on that day there wasn't one. 

We all lay in bed at night and wince at the painfully embarrassing things that we've done. Would you have liked those moments filmed or documented? 

But what about the real mistakes? The more than embarrassing ones that you take 4 shots of whiskey to try to forget? Now imagine that mistake was posted on The Dirty. 

If someone told the world about my 46th hop, I would be mortified, but I'd get over it.  If someone told the world my darkest secret, I'd die inside. 

Something to think about I guess. 

Goodnight guys, 

Em xo